i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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