I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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