I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
