help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?