Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
