i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101