I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?