4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
bring money and cleavage
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on