I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.