dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him