so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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