The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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