He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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