Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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