Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
