dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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