i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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