the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you never un-have a 4some
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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