I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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