all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
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whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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