Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
