Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
