He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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