win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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