1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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