Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
