My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
please don't ironically join a cult
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