Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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