Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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