Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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