It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
