Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
