Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
