It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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