No more Irish car bombs ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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