Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
