Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
