I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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