You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
