His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
