i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
