just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
