this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
