Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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