Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
