Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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