Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
