The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
