Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
