My sheets look like a crime scene.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
