is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
