worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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