Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
