when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
