um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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