How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
