I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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