Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
send nudes
from the living room?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
