I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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