my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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