I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
