in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
