Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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