so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a search helicopter?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
