A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
