hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
