So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
