I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
