When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
