so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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