She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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