I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
