I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
