Do you still have your period?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
