she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
