I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
