my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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