So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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