I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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