Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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