no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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